Mini Me

I didn't go to Sage freshmen year, so I was debating including a picture from sophomore year instead but decided against it. Comparing both pictures, there is an noticeable physical difference, but I definitely changed just as much mentally. 

The first picture is me in 2013, posing with my chocolates. The second one is of me with my brother just a couple months ago. 

If I could go back and give freshman year me some advice, it probably wouldn't pertain to working harder in school or anything like that because I was homeschooled, and had that pretty easy. I would tell myself to spend more time with my family. My parents were around me nearly 24/7 but I rarely got to see my siblings and we really grew apart that year. Now, of course, we are a lot closer again but it would've been nice to be close that whole time. I really can't think of anything else I would tell myself. I didn't do much at the time so I didn't have the chance to do anything wrong. 

Clones?

While reading Never Let Me Go, I didn't have any thoughts about cloning being a negative thing. It seems to work well in the novel, and I'm not for harvesting the organs of cloned children but throughout the story, clones seem pretty useful. After reading the articles on cloning, I began to imagine what it would actually be like to have clones in the real world. In novels, it's easy to read about how effortlessly they meld with the world around them but in real life, there are a lot more possibilities to take into consideration. 

I have decided I'm against cloning. As one of the articles points out, we wouldn't really need to cherish and take good care of our environment because we could reproduce whatever animals die out. While we may not lose the creatures on earth, our actual planet would still suffer and it would be easier than ever to ignore it. Cloning would also make evolution virtually impossible because negative traits would no longer die out and would just be continually reintroduced to the gene pool. We would all suffer more than we would benefit. 

My Cold Moment

I feel like since we are all so different from each other, we have to go through our own "cold moments" and recognize our individuality and what sets us apart. If I had to pinpoint a cold moment in my life, it would probably feel pretty similar to Kathy's. The first thing that comes to mind is when I was going through chemotherapy, and the toll it was taking on me was really starting to show. At this point, I was still feeling pretty normal and hadn't really processed what I was going through, but had been avoiding mirrors because I wasn't comfortable looking at a reflection that looked nothing like me. So, even though I was aware that I looked different, I often forgot when I went in public and didn't remember until I tried to run my fingers through hair that wasn't there. 

When I looked around me, I began to see people staring at me. Instead of quickly glancing over as they walked past, they would take double-takes and stare, either in pity or confusion. Eventually I got somewhat used to this new kind of attention, but it never stopped bothering me. I would be especially upset if I was having a good day and wasn't thinking about the hospital or my treatment, only to then catch a pitying glance and remember what I was going through. People didn't mean to be rude by staring at me, but when you look different, it's hard to avoid. It's especially difficult when your appearance triggers emotional responses, and people can't help but notice your bald head and emaciated body, not only feeling pity but also possibly reminded of a loved one of their own who was/is sick. 

The Veil

In The Painted Veil, Kitty speaks to Waddington about the nuns and the possibility of an afterlife. To her, life's importance lies in what comes after life and not what happens throughout it. Waddington disagrees and believes in enjoying life while we are alive instead of hoping for something better to come along with death. He says that man creates beauty out of chaos, and to me this seems as if he is saying that when bad times come along, you really appreciate the good times you've had. Without this contrast, everything would be taken for granted and life would seem boring and uneventful. 

I think the title of this books relates to what Waddington says here in that a life without this juxtaposition clouds your eyes from seeing and appreciating the world around you, like a veil, instead of another world that may or may not exist. Kitty's life had been the same until she moved to Hong Kong, and though her childhood doesn't sound entirely happy she certainly was sheltered. Once she experienced a failed affair and the death of her husband, she finally began to appreciate the people around her and the life she lived. Without any tragedy, nothing would seem special. 

Hong Kong vs Britain

I think in general, when you move to a place so different from what you're used to you have to be open just to live your daily life. You're surrounded by new foods, customs, and people, and "new" is your whole life so you can't shut yourself off to it. 

In The Painted Veil, Kitty is not necessarily an "open" person and doesn't need to be when she moves to Hong Kong. Yes, she is in an entirely new place but there is a community full of people she's used to and customs she knows. A lot of the native people to Hong Kong that I've seen in the novel are of lower positions in this society the British people made for themselves overseas. I don't think Kitty has to be as open as we expect someone to be in that situation, especially since the men she is spending most of her time with are white. 

The Colors of Destiny

Lift not the painted veil which those who live

Call Life: though unreal shapes be pictured there,

And it but mimic all we would believe

With colours idly spread,--behind, lurk Fear

And Hope, twin Destinies; who ever weave

Their shadows, o'er the chasm, sightless and drear.

I knew one who had lifted it--he sought,

For his lost heart was tender, things to love,

But found them not, alas! nor was there aught

The world contains, the which he could approve.

Through the unheeding many he did move,

A splendour among shadows, a bright blot

Upon this gloomy scene, a Spirit that strove

For truth, and like the Preacher found it not.

~ Percy Bysshe Shelley

The poem begins with a metaphor for secrecy, the painted veil, and warning against it although it presents a preferable alternative to reality. It goes on to describe the feelings that drive us to this secrecy, such as hope for a better life. Another factor is the fear of who we are currently surrounded by and the idea that we may not be able to escape who we have become. And lastly, the  idea of destinies and hope that the truthful life isn't all there is for us. These all present the dark side to an otherwise colorful and happy escape, as they are all selfish motives towards a pit of secrecy and despair. In the third stanza, a man is described as turning to secrecy in order to find love, just like Kitty does after a couple years of being married to Walter, a man she does not love and is bored by. In the last stanza, imagery is used to show the excitement that secrecy brings as everyone surrounding you is living their dull, truthful life while you sneak around and live how you want. Those who lie are only searching for who they are meant to be, trying to find the best life they can live. Unfortunately, the longer they keep their act up, the further they sink and when the truth finally comes out, they are even further away from their imagined destiny than they were when they started their affair. 

Ignorance is Bliss?

"I am not young enough to know everything."- Oscar Wilde

This image came up when I searched for "ignorant children", which is what I first thought of upon reading this quote. As children, we are not fully aware of societal rules, and even when we are, we don't conform to them. Whenever someone tells a child what to do or say, they begin to oppose doing just that and can end up doing the opposite. Society's rules really don't affect children, so could their ignorance be bliss compared to teenagers and adults that are plagued by these same guidelines? When I was younger, I thought I knew everything and if someone told me I was wrong about something, anything, I would refuse to believe them. Children are naturally curious and are always thinking, but unlike older people, their minds have no limits. We are limited to a very certain way of thinking and are expected to be "realistic". It is in this way that children are free in areas adults are not.




As for the podcast, nothing that was said in it was foreign to me. While I don't consciously think about the rules of Instagram every time I post, there are these unspoken. guidelines which I attempt to adhere to. Even though it's a social media platform for expression and everyone should be able to post what they want, when they want, I definitely notice when someone breaks the law of Instagram. This podcast put these rules we abide by front and center, forcing us to look at them and realize we aren't the ones in control of our feed, and that we've been listening to society all along.